Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
