we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
