so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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