Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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