Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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