she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
