I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
