Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
