She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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