i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
