if you like me you must not know who I am
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
