i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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