my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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