I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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