i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
