I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
