Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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