I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
