I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
