So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
