party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
