i jhust puked up my retainher.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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