I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
