What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
