I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
