Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
