angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
