Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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