when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
