Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
