you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
