I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
