You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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