i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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