your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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