Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
whose ass print is on the piano?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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