his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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