I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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