So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
