I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
