hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
