SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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