Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
