What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
