I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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