he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
