the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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