I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
