So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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