I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
