i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
