Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
