Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
