Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
