yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
