some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
