1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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