I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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