I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
