i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
