WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
