If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
