Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
