I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
