we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
