I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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