Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
