The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
